Advance Warning - The conclusions drawn here are my own and could ALL be wrong. Only Mr. Fujishima really knows for sure, and he can change his mind whenever he wants. First, an apology. This is a lot longer than I thought it would be, and we're only on section two. The segments aren't as cohesive as I would like and there will probably be a number of places where I repeat myself. Sorry. And there will obviously be a number of points that have been mentioned before in this topic, but they needed to be restated, possibly expanded, and put into an overall perspective.

I unfortunately will also need to make some references to various Oh/Ah My Goddess episodes in these sections. Not too many, but a few are required to establish Belldandy's personal development. Several points will be drawn from the movie, so if that's a spoiler, sorry. I can, and will, restrain from using any specific material from after the current Dark Horse releases, but I will include conclusions drawn from the future stories when I deem it necessary. I'll try to disguise them as my opinions and not spell it out as to where they came from, but they'll be there. I hope this is a sufficient disclaimer. The primary story line in Oh/Ah My Goddess is the relationship between Belldandy and Keiichi, the rest is background for their relationship to develop against. This doesn't mean there aren't other, just as interesting stories involving the other characters growing alongside it, only that that's the story that binds the tale together. Bell and K-1's relationship has grown considerably, changing and maturing as the series has gone on, starting as a rather cute, juvenile, boy-girl wish fulfillment situation and growing into a complex tale of lovers trying to come together in spite of the obstacles. That these are mostly unseen or hidden makes it all the more interesting. A lot of this development has been due to Mr. Fujishima's changing his tale from a simple humorous situation comedy to a complex romantic story. And he continues to alter it as he goes along, adding and subtracting characters, plot devices, and artistic styles as he desires. But the core remains Belldandy and Keiichi.

And it's interesting that while the initial development of their relationship was more a function of the artist's changing perspective than plot, it works well as a reflection of a normal romantic comedy story. A chance (or not so chance) meeting occurs between two individuals with different agendas concerning what they want from a relationship. (Belldandy seeking relief from a terrible personal upheaval she doesn't even remember and hoping to find a safe haven from her past, and Keiichi, lonely and blaming his height for his lack of success with girls when it's mostly due to a lack of incentive because his heart was already claimed long ago.) Then, in typical romantic comedy fashion, a strange plot device forces them to be together (a "supposedly" accidental wish and the ultimate force). At first a little awkward together, sparks start showing up almost immediately as they grow closer to each other and they soon resolve their differences and find a place to live together and let things develop. (Belldandy doesn't seem all that upset about having to leave heaven and live with a mortal on earth, she gets over it quickly in the manga, just a few moments of surprise when it happens, and none in the OAV. I think this indicates Mr. Fujishima had something premeditated on Belldandy's, or someone's, part planned from the start.)

Keiichi initially shows a normal male interest in Bell's appearance and hopes for a "physical" relationship, but soon resolves not to push things and let Belldandy set the pace. (That doesn't mean he can't keep hoping.) Bell "seems" oblivious to Keiichi's fumbled attempts, but doesn't really try to stop them, which she is quite capable of doing with others who try (Aoshima). (I've come to wonder if there isn't a reverse version of the "Ultimate Force" in play that intervenes whenever it looks like Bell and Keiichi might be getting it on. Those two have had more moments blown by "chance" interruptions than is statistically reasonable. It's like parents who turn on the porch light just as their daughter's gonna give a goodnight kiss. Now Urd wouldn't have set it up, she's working the other way with them, and Skuld doesn't have the access. I wonder who that leaves in heaven with that sort of authority over Yggdrasil?)

And while she displays a rather hesitant inclination toward romance herself (bashful glances, shy kisses, school lunches on the grass), she does initiate them on her own. (Belldandy is almost always the instigator in their embraces, Keiichi rarely does and only under some form of emotional duress.) As they live together, they come to realize how right for each other they are, but problems keep them apart. The first departure from the traditional romantic comedy occurs when these difficulties turn out to be more internal emotional barriers instead of some external development. (All their external problems either bring them closer together or try to push them together, like Urd's arrival. Only Skuld has actively tried to keep them apart.)

For Keiichi it's a combination of Bell being a goddess (he's afraid if he pushes things he might set events in motion that will separate them), and him not being sure he deserves her (she's just so perfect). Since he'd much sooner keep what he has than risk it all for his own selfish desires, he waits for Bell to make the first moves so he knows it will be alright. (Note, he will risk losing her for important reasons, and do it without much hesitation. He's just that kinda guy. But he won't do it for himself. He also doesn't seem to fear Belldandy will actually leave him on her own, just that some chain of events will force them to separate. This is a theme repeated several times in the manga and anime.)

In Bell's case things get more interesting. When Belldandy came through the looking glass and back into Keiichi's life, she brought some emotional baggage with her. (By the way, how many of you thought of the Alice In Wonderland connection when you read the first episode?) From early childhood she'd suffered from bouts of low self esteem (caused by inattentive parents, caregivers, and a high visibility sister) and had developed an insatiable urge to do whatever was asked of her perfectly to gain their approval. She'd also developed the trait of trying to make everyone around her happy and felt personally responsible if they weren't. She was leery of taking emotional risks for fear of being seen as less than perfect, an important thing to her. (Being a goddess, physical risks never really fazed her.) And she'd just been through an emotional upheaval that had called her to question everything she had believed about herself and what others thought of her. Although her memories of the actual events had been purged from her conscious mind, the emotional scars were still there and effecting her outlook on things.

In her efforts to figure out what was wrong with her, both before and after her memory had been erased, Bell had done a lot of soul searching. And what she'd found had distressed her a great deal. Instead of being the selfless, giving person she'd always believed herself to be, she now saw herself as a grasping, possessive person who made others happy only because it suited her needs. All of her positive traits (of which she and the others she cared about took such great pride) were based on a selfish desire to be happy without feeling guilty about it. (Caused by a combination of low self esteem and a desire for self validation. A sorta feeling of - I am only worthy of being happy myself because of what I can do for others to make them not feel unhappy.) She desperately desired praise and approval and would do and become anything to earn it. At the same time she felt a need to be deserving of that praise, a sense of insecurity that needed a a steady stream of positive reinforcement to allay it, even if it only came from herself. She was obsessive with trying to please anyone around her, especially authority figures, and this was what had led her to becoming such a perfectionist. (Which really isn't such a bad thing, it's what's made her the wonderful goddess she is.) In short, the Norn of the present discovered she wasn't perfect, and to her this was a terrible revelation.

Now I feel I have to explain that I don't believe there is any dishonesty in Belldandy. She doesn't have a dark inner side she knowingly hides from the world. She's exactly the kind, modest, sweet, and caring goddess she comes across as in the story. All superlatives as to what she is are probably true, it's what she is and she's worked hard to deserve her praise for it. But underneath all this are some flaws at the base of what motivates her and now she's fighting to come to terms with them.

Fortunately her ability to focus on the present and only deal with what is in front of her has kept her from being emotionally hindered by this. She does spend time contemplating her problems and what to do about them (mostly while knitting, sewing, or doing housework) but it's only noticeable effect is in her relationship with Keiichi. Since she can't trust her judgment, she can't decide whether she truly loves him (she thinks she does) or is just using him, and until she's sure, the relationship isn't going any further. If she's wrong and really doesn't love him as much as he deserves, then she isn't going to set him up to be hurt anymore than he already will be.

Prior to her confrontation with Celestine and the soul searching that followed, Bell had been pretty oblivious to her flaws. She'd been constantly told since she was small what a perfect goddess she was and had come to believe it. (Not in any nasty ways, but it still put her one up on Urd and made her more deserving of their parents', and the rest of heaven's, praise and admiration.) It was one of the fundamental pillars of her self identity and she had a considerable amount of her (very limited) self esteem tied up with it. Now while trying to figure why she felt so lost and confused, (and subconsciously why the person she'd trusted so much had tried to force her to do such wrong things) she'd realized that she was motivated not by the positive reason that these were the right things to do and as a goddess she could only do right things, but for the selfish reason that doing them allowed HER to be happy. That meant that if something wrong came along that also made her happy, how could she know she wouldn't do the wrong thing. (This wasn't actually a totally new development. She'd always been leery of making such judgment for fear of being wrong and would desperately turn to someone she trusted for guidance if she could. Celestine had filled this role for her for years. Now that she really needed him he wasn't around. She couldn't help but feel a little betrayed.)

This all might sound trivial but remember, Belldandy was a goddess first class, unlimited, and had access to tremendous power. If she couldn't trust herself to always use that power correctly, everything around her could be in great danger. This ability was expected from goddesses, especially first class ones, that they would always know instinctively right from wrong. If Belldandy couldn't do that, then she wasn't a perfect goddess and everything everyone had believed and praised her for all these years was wrong. That was a little tough for a girl already suffering from low self esteem and the loss of a loved one to deal with.

Even with the loss of her memory, these revelations stayed behind and caused great emotional distress. And while she worried over the practical concerns about how her lack of a moral center affected her duty as a goddess, it was the not perfect aspect that caused her the most anguish.